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Conversation: Learn to Listen

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Art of Conversation

Making conversation in social situations, meetings, and get-togethers of all types can be very stressful.  Many times I’ve flown in for conventions, hoping that when I got to the hotel the night before, I could go to my room, kick back, watch a little television, do a little paperwork, then get a little rest.  But when I arrived and checked-in,  the front desk attendant would hand me the envelope with the meeting agenda.  As I read it, there it was, in bold – “Cocktail Hour Tonight at 7:00PM”.  

Hopes for a peaceful night dashed!  Then other fears begin to creep in.  There are no easy ways to attend an event and meet a room full of strangers for the first time.  Even those most savvy veteran can become a little unnerved.  But, one can survive the night, as I have on many occasions.

Let’s face it, some people are just more adept at managing social situations than others.  It comes naturally to the fortunate few.  But many of us have to work at it.  First we have to get beyond the fear of entering the room and striking up conversations with total strangers.  Once that is done, we have to figure out what to say, without putting a foot in our mouth.  It’s not easy.  I’ve embarrassed myself on more than one occasion.  I’ve said to myself more than once, “I can’t believe that I just said that.”

Well there is good news.  These meetings, events, and socials don’t have to be as difficult as we make them.  I’ve found that the best way to get to know people and deal with these events smoothly (and many times walk away with a potential lifelong friendship or business contact) is to let people talk about themselves.
Most people, when given the opportunity (an many when not!) will go on and on about themselves.  In reality, the person that is asking the questions actually controls the conversation.  Allowing people to talk about themselves is a surefire way to really get to know others.  Personally, I enjoy listening to others, learning more about their background, what they have done in business and what their likes and dislikes are.  It’s an easy thing to do.  Once you get them talking, let them keep talking.  Whenever they ask you a question, if it is something you must answer, answer it briefly, but then turn the conversation back on them, “Bill you were saying…” and usually they pick up right where they left off.
Best of all, by doing this, you never have to say to yourself, “Wow, I can’t believe I just said that”.  While communication requires two, it doesn’t require both people monopolizing the conversation.  Listen for a change.

A Wise Old Owl

A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he saw the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard.
Why can’t we all be like that wise old bird?[1]
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